Oh, Hell No Lucy, it's Your Turn!
by WordsAreEnough
Summary: Erza was last. Before her, Gajeel. Before him, poor little, timid Wendy. But now it was Lucy's turn. With the task thrust upon her like one passes on a baton, Lucy accepts what she must do. But why did these always begin with such small offences? Seriously, Natsu just couldn't keep his peas to himself. Oh, it's on.


"Lucy, why are you so surprised?"

"I'm not sure, Levy. They haven't had something like this in a while, have they?"

"No, they haven't. They need to get it out of their system. Oh, and Lucy, we unanimously voted you as the referee. Good luck!"

"_What?_"

"Watch out Natsu, Gray; I'm going to start soon."

"Bring it on! I'm all fired up!"

"I'll kick your butt any day!"

"I'll try not to be too harsh."

"Ack! Mira! Not so fast – oi, wait! THAT WAS MY FACE YOU'RE AIMING AT!"

"Sorry Natsu, I was told to not hold back."

"Who told you that?"

"You did."

"Haha Flame Brain! You suck at this – OOMF!"

"Now who sucks at what, you little bastard?"

"Shut up, Squinty-eyes! Just watch me; I'll dodge them all!"

"Haha, yeah, that was a _spectacular_ dodge Gray. Good job."

"You can do it, my Lord Gray! I know you can!"

"How come you have supporters? OW!"

"Well, if you could dodge as well as me, maybe _you_ could get supporters one day too."

"_Foul!_ Free head-shot at Natsu for blatant ignorance of the rules!"

"But _Lucy!_"

"But nothing, Natsu! You know very well that setting fire to Gray's hair is _not_ within the rules of dodge ball. And if you ignore Umpire Lucy again, I will punish _both of you!_"

"Aye, sir!"

"Aye, sir!"

"The Happy doppelgangers are back!"

"Happy, help me – she's going to hit me in the face! Quick!"

"Sorry, Natsu. It's less painful for me if you get a ball to the face than me break the rules for you. You're on your own."

"HAPPY! KYAA!"

"Hiss – argh, ouch. I think he broke his nose."

"Don't worry Happy, he'll take it like the man he is."

"I you think so, Elfman."

"Oi! Cana! Three thousand jewels says that Gray will be the first knocked out!"

"I can't resist such easy money! You're on, Macao!"

"Oi Natsu! If you don't win this, I'm going to kill you! Good luck!"

"You're not helping, Macao!"

"And why aren't you betting on me, Macao!"

"Because I'm so much more awesome, that's why, you stripping pervert!"

"I'm going to shove an ice spear so far up your arse that you'll get a brain freeze!"

"We'll let's go!"

"Bring it!"

"Dodge Ball Special! Super Barrel Attack!"

"Big sis, I think that's a little overboard."

"You think so, Elfman? I was trying to get their attention. They seemed occupied with each other first."

"But hammering them with this many balls might kill them."

"Probably."

"Miss Mira, could you please ease up? You're destroying the inside of the guild."

"I'll try, Wendy."

"Who's making all of that _noise_? I can't sleep – are there elephants tap-dancing on the roof or something?"

"Oh, sorry Mister Guildarts. We didn't know you were napping."

"That's okay Wendy – is that – are they at it again?"

"Aye sir!"

"Well, if I'm up, I may as well watch. Scooch over there, would ya? Ta. What started it this time?"

"Take a guess."

"Hmm… Natsu called Gray a pervert?"

"Not this time, Da."

"Gray shot chunks of ice at Natsu's hair?"

"That's what started the juggling challenge."

"Oh yeah. So what's it this time?"

"Natsu flicked a pea inside Gray's ear."

"Those two are a bunch of idiots."

"You said it, Dad. Five thousand jewels on Gray winning?"

"I can't resist such easy money! You're on, Cana!"

"He _really_ is your father, Miss Cana."

"You think so? I can't really see the resemblance – OI! Gray! What are you doing! Get your head in the game!"

"I'm _trying_, Cana! It's not like I actually want to _die_!"

"Ahahaha! You just don't have my skills, Gray!"

"You've taken more hits than _me_! How are you still standing?"

"I have a hard head."

"No arguments there."

"Oi!"

"You said it, not me!"

"I'mma gonna burn you to a crisp!"

"Oi, Natsu. You can't use magic in this competition. Natsu. Natsu!"

"_Natsu!_ Listen to the referee!"

"Aye, Erza!"

"Natsu, the next time you use your Dragon Slayer magic in this dodgeball competition, I will declare Gray the winner!"

"No Lucy,_no!_"

"Don't think I won't!"

"See, even the ref's on my side."

"That applies to you too, Gray."

"Heh heh, sucker."

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?"

"Master!"

"Old man!"

"Master, sir, we are so sorry to have woken you up from your nap!"

"Hmmph. Oh, Wendy, you don't have to apologise, you weren't the one making _all that racket!_"

"Master. Gray and Natsu are having another competition. I suggested Mira to throw the balls, but it seems that my judgement on how loud the balls colliding with the ceiling was poor. Please forgive me."

"Erza… why didn't you say so sooner! WOO! Go boys! Come on! Where's the action?"

"As expected of our master."

"TIME OUT, EVERYONE! Mira, can I have a word?"

"No worries, Lucy, my arms were starting to get a bit sore."

"Oi Gray, what do you think they're whispering about?"

"Well, jerk, even if I knew, I wouldn't tell you."

"You naked bastard."

"My clothes! Where did they go this time? _When_ did they go?"

"Gray, Natsu; new rules. _You_ will be throwing the balls at each other, and whoever hits the other _first_ in the next two minutes wins! Start!"

"Hehehe… Balls."

"Cana, you're such a perv."

"Go Natsu!"

"You can do it Gray!"

"OI! That was my face you nearly hit!"

"Sorry Macao!"

"Sorry, dude."

"Stop moving around you jerk!"

"What, you can't keep up with me? You sah-low-ass – _woah_."

"Haha! Who's slow now?"

"You still didn't hit me, flint-brain!"

"Anyone else want to place a bet? Who bets Natsu will win?"

"Seven thousand jewels on Natsu!"

"I'll take nine thousand!"

"You ready, Natsu?'

"Bring it on, naked pervert!"

"Ice Make: Balls!"

"_Whaa?_ No magic, you cheater!"

"Lucy never said so in this round!"

"He's right, I didn't say so, Natsu."

"Lucy… are you okay? You sound a bit different."

"After dodging Mira's monster throws and getting hit in the head thrice, I think I've had enough for today. I feel kinda dizzy."

"Lucy, how many fingers am I holding up?"

"Umm, eight?"

"C'mon, I'm taking you to the infirmary."

"Hey flame-brain! Guess why your magic sucks!"

"It doesn't suck! Your magic balls suck!"

"Pffthehe… sucks balls."

"Cana, grow up."

"Your magic sucks because when you create a fireball, it's not solid! I can catch fire, but you can't actually _hit_ me with it! I can't lose!"

"Dragon Slayer Magic: Dragon Claws!"

"Look, Cana, he's setting fire to the dodgeballs. You still confident in your bet?"

"Cheh, we'll see."

"Ice Make: Slingshot! Suck on this, Natsu!"

"Take this, Gray!"

"Take cover!"

"Lord Gray!"

"Na-tsuu!"

"… Eh?"

"As acting referee, I declare this competition… a TIE!"

"Whaa?"

"Noooo… my money!"

"Aye, sir!"


End file.
